I totally support the body positivity movement. Noone should be shamed for the way they look. As a society, the poison of tearing each other down, is just something we should not tolerate. As humans we should treat each other with kindness and support, celebrating similarities and differences.
Recently Jameela Jamil started the #Iweigh campaign where individuals share what they love about their lives, their proudest achievements and not the amount they weigh on a set of scales. I loved this idea, but found I couldn't work out what to post. So I have yet to take part.
Whilst wonderful people like Jameela, Megan Jayne Crabbe (Bodyposipanda) and Ashley Graham (supermodel extraordinaire) share their body positive messages and self love. My body is something I am struggling with, I think it's broken........
My whole life (well since I was 12/13) I have been told I was big/bigger/hippy/fat/overweight. And guess what?! Most of my life I really wasn't, I just was never skinny. Over time hearing the same issues being pointed out, time and time again, I started to believe it. And last week when I saw some old photos, I was shocked at how slender I was! It's incredible how different I felt to how I looked.
What makes that blow land harder is, right now I am fat. It sucks! Last year I put on some weight and was needing to get back into regular exercise. But this year, I have put on three stone!! This is due to my new medication and being sedentary whilst battling my depression.
It's crap, I don't like the way I look at all. I make jokes to mask the low self esteem. I try not to be in pictures, whilst also not making a fuss and pointing it out. It's just the worst.
What am I going to do?
Well, hopefully in a month I'll be changing meds and that should help. But for now I am fortunate that through the mental health team I am seeing, there is a discount for using the local leisure facilities, including a tailored 12 week exercise programme. I have applied and am waiting for my initial appointment. I think swimming is the best way to start, so I have less risk of injury, rather than just going out on a run.
Being able to use my body should bring about results and some endorphins that can also help with the depression. Although it feels right now its going to be such a hard battle. Then seeing some results, I know I will feel better about what I see in the mirror. Then maybe I can get on board with some of this self-love and positivity.
Image: mirror by Ben Davis from the Noun Project