I have been on my new medication at the correct dosage for just over 3 months now and they seem to be working. So much so that I have managed to secure a new part time job which I start this Saturday. I’ve decided this is my new normal for now, maybe BlunderCat version 2.1.
I think the meds are working as I feel a bit more balanced, although a little numb. I don’t cry or feel much emotionally. And maybe that’s OK, that’s what I need to be able to function for now. I hope over time I can get back to feeling more, for now I accept this emotional distance from myself.
Another side of my ‘normality’ is tiredness and I have to look after myself through sleeping in/naps. I can see this being essential once I start working too. On my days off I’ll need to rest and the fact I have agreed to only work afternoons and evenings seems sensible.
I’m really looking forward to having a routine again and contributing to something beyond being at home. Being a cog in a team again, and meeting new people. I’m looking forward to the independence and doing it for myself.
I am still waiting for therapy, been 5 months now (was quoted 4-6 months) so hopefully something will start soon. I think talking to someone will help me understand my new normal a bit better and what to do about feeling the lack of emotions. I also want to talk about the memories that have been surfacing. Things from my past I had long forgotten, keep popping up and are a bit distressing. Not sure the cause for this, but I’m managing…just.
I’ll keep you all posted with the new job and balancing my tiredness.