So I’m currently suffering from insomnia, I don’t sleep at all at night. I am getting 3-4 hours sleep napping in the afternoon/early evening. Sometimes my brain races going through stressful or mundane things, sometimes my head is empty but I still cannot sleep…..Read More
Things were going so well and then... BAM! Anxiety rears its sneaky little head!! I'm signed off work, trying an increase in my meds. But I'm so tired of feeling this anxiety. It's draining and I can't explain it.
I don't know where it has come from, I don't know the trigger which is frustrating. I just want to be well and functioning…..Read More
So we went to see Mary Poppins Returns on Hogmanay and it was brilliant.
Now an adult with three children, bank teller Michael Banks learns that his house will be repossessed in five days unless he can pay back a loan. His only hope is to find a missing certificate that shows proof of valuable shares that his father left him years earlier. Just as all seems lost, Michael and his sister receive the surprise of a lifetime when Mary Poppins -- the beloved nanny from their childhood -- arrives to save the day and take the Banks family on a magical, fun-filled adventure.
The call back to the original was wonderful, taking me right back to my childhood. I loved the 2D traditional animation and the costumes were outstanding. Some looked “drawn on”, it was perfect…..Read More
So on Saturday I turn 35, which I'm pretty excited about. I'm thrilled to celebrate making it! Last year with the suicidal thoughts, there were times I didn't plan to still be here. I am so glad I am! AND I'm doing well, my path to recovery is winding, but I'm in such a better place than a year ago when I didn't even celebrate my birthday.
So what's the plan this year? Looking after myself and taking it easy. I'm working during the day on Saturday, but we have a staff party Sat night, so I'm heading to that. A party with no organisation or clean up! WIN!!
I am definitely a permanently exhausted pigeon! No joke! currently my Fitbit tracks my average night’s sleep at 12 hours 39 minutes per day. That’s way too much considering how tired I am after all this sleep. It’d be too much if I woke up sprightly, but that’s far from the case.
We’ve just had the Christmas/New Year’s break, in which I had a couple of days off work. But I feel like I’ve travelled halfway round the world, like the worst jet lag I have ever faced!! Ugh! I could do with another break. Coffee does not make a dent!
I did manage to get up today at 12:00, but it was hard, and I’ve not done much since. Just been online etc. I’m lucky my husband is so supportive, he doesn’t add pressure and does so much round the house because I am so tired. Tiredness and lack of motivation are my two biggest hurdles right now.
I know part of the sleep issue is caused by my medication. I need to keep taking it though because it helps in so many other ways. When I think back to a year ago and how low and lost I was, I am grateful to be on these meds, so that I can function. I’m not a full Cat 2.0/3.0 (whatever version I am at now), but I can hold down my three-days-a-week job for now, so that’s a HUGE achievement. One that I am proud of.
So for now I will keep battling my eyelids and strive to get up at a reasonable time each day, but it’s not going to be easy.
What hurdles do you face?
Do you have issues with sleeping too much? Too little?
What is your ‘normal’ amount per night?
Do you track your sleep?
Let me know!
Welcome to 2019!
I’m so looking forward to this fresh start. Last year was difficult and had some atrocious months, but by the end I was starting to build a better routine. So now onward and upwards.
BUT, that’s all I’m doing, I’m looking forward. I’m not making plans, setting goals and definitely no resolutions. I plan to be in the moment for now, putting myself first and just going day by day. I’m still trying to get the work routine down, which has been tricky with the different days off and extra shifts through the festive period, but I’ll get there. So for now no additional stress, no additional pressure, just me, bit by bit!
I hope you all had a great festive break and are looking forward to this new year.
We were recently gifted with some IAMS for Vitality to trial with our cats. We received three bags; chicken, ocean fish and lamb. All three were enjoyed, but my boys LOVED the lamb flavour, they could not get enough!!
The new IAMS for Vitality range and experience the joy of giving our cats and dogs the tasty food they love with the expert nutrition they need.
IAMS for Vitality is made with many high quality ingredients including fresh chicken that promote the 7 signs of healthy vitality. With wheat free recipes, and no fillers, artificial colours, flavours or GMO's, IAMS for Vitality will keep your cats and dogs feeling good. So if you’re looking to make sure your cats and dogs are happy, healthy and full of vitality then you’re in the right place.
I’m happy to buy my cats dry food based on what they enjoy as I don’t fully notice the benefits of feeding them a particular brand. I really like the freshness of the ingredients and nothing artificial is added. However, I generally base my purchases on their overall enjoyment and if the one the like offers health and well being, even better. I can say that the lamb IAMS for Vitality will be a regular purchase for us now, Happy Cats all round!
I did like that the campaign is 'I am Fearless' as I like to think our cats are. The campaign also states that cats are Athletic, Pampered, Foodies, Nibblers, Gymnasts and Loving :-)
This blog is based on products I received for free and the opinion stated is solely my own.
I have been on my new medication at the correct dosage for just over 3 months now and they seem to be working. So much so that I have managed to secure a new part time job which I start this Saturday. I’ve decided this is my new normal for now, maybe BlunderCat version 2.1.
I think the meds are working as I feel a bit more balanced, although a little numb. I don’t cry or feel much emotionally. And maybe that’s OK, that’s what I need to be able to function for now…..Read More
Sometimes you just need a change. Sometimes you’re skint. So a free haircut is needed, last night I chopped about 4” off my hair. Snip snip lol! It’s now just at my shoulders, so not too short. To be fair, I did a pretty good job. If I wear it wavy/curled you’ll never know it wasn’t a professional who did it. Although next time I’m at the hairdressers, I will have to ‘fess up!
My head feels so much lighter today and my split ends are all gone.….Read More
So for the past month I’ve been pretty quiet online. I’ve been stuck in my own head and lacking a bit of motivation. Each day has become quite mundane, but that has felt safe. I haven’t really been sad or low, just a bit numb really, not much else going on. I’ve been having thoughts that I’m unworthy and having suicidal ideas again. I really wish I could switch my brain off at times, it’s relentless.
The one thing I have been doing is sleeping lots, at least 10 hours a night! And yet I am always tired, I can nap most days and have very low energy. At night once I get to sleep I can sleep forever, but I struggle to drift off at the start. I think this is because 1- I’m sleeping too much, so I’m tired but not sleepy and 2- the unstoppable, whirling nonsense in my brain. That voice which tells me to give up, I’m not good enough, that I’m a waste of time and space. It’s not a kind voice at all…..Read More
Sorry I’ve not been posting much, or interacting regularly on the socials. I’ve been very tired and struggling to motivate myself.
But it’s a new month, so here we go, I’m back and hopefully here to stay.
Feel free to interact on Social Medial or comment/question on here. I’d love to hear from you!
I love Nadiya Hussain (from the Bake Off and beyond) and I’ve been watching her show Nadiya’s Family Favourites on the BBC. Last night I loved the look of her spinach and paneer kati rolls so much, I had to have a go.
For the spinach and paneer:
3 tbsp olive oil
226g/8oz block paneer cheese, cut into 1cm/½oz cubes
150g/5½oz spinach leaves
4 garlic cloves, finely chopped
1 tsp cumin seeds
½ tsp red chilli flakes
½ tsp salt
For the kati rollsRead More
On Sunday two girlfriends and I went to see the Guilty Feminist recorded live. Some of you may remember this podcast from Number 9 in my Top 10.
I quite enjoy watching podcasts being created live, you get all the fluffs, some behind the scenes and get to see things which are only described for listeners.
DeborahFrances-White (from BBC Radio 4 and Global Pillage) and special guests record an episode of her hit comedy podcast, with over 30 million downloads since 2016. The show is about noble 21st-century feminist goals and the hypocrisies and insecurities which undermine them. Previous guests include Susan Wokoma, Lolly Adefope, Sarah Millican, Sharon Horgan and Sara Pascoe. 'Hilarious, irreverent, classy as hell... and screamingly funny. Everyone is talking about them talking' (Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Guardian)…..
I am currently unemployed after losing my job earlier this year and it's starting to really affect me. I've been going through the worst episode of depression and anxiety I've ever faced, and it's taken it's toll. I've signed on at the job centre, but they won't pay me any benefits due to the fact my husband is earning!! Which is ridiculous enough, but I've also now been independently assessed for my capability to work, and they agree I cannot work right now, but still there is no benefit support. I don't understand how I can be incapable of work, but not eligible for financial benefits…..Read More
So technically this wasn't Edinburgh Fringe, it was Fringe By The Sea in North Berwick, but still worth a review!
"American hip hop icons The Sugarhill Gang and the Furious Five have joined forces to bring you a super group from the birth of hip hop. Both groups will be gracing the stage together and performing a plethora of both groups’ hits, including the likes of Rappers Delight, Apache, White Lines and The Message”…..
Last Thursday night I went to see Luisa Omielan at the Edinburgh Fringe. I've see here previous two shows What Would Beyonce Do? & Am I Right Ladies? on the telly, but this was my first time seeing her live.
"Luisa Omielan is back with her highly anticipated third stand-up instalment. In her own words, 'I believe it is my right to have an opinion on something I know absolutely nothing about!' Welcome to Politics for Bitches!"…..
Have you heard about Happiful? I recently discovered it and I love it. It's a magazine devoted to Mental Health, brimming with helpful and positive articles.
Happiful describe the magazine as:
We’re on a mission to create a healthier, happier, more sustainable society. Our aim is to provide informative, inspiring and topical stories about mental health and wellbeing. We want to break the stigma of mental health in our society, and to shine a light on the positivity and support that should be available for everyone, no matter their situation.
So not only is it an interesting magazine, which I have found useful, it's completely free online! Wait? What?! I know - It just gets better and better.Read More
Why am I so tired!?!?
At the moment, I seem to be permanently tired, seriously! My change in medication dosage means I do sleep through the night now, but I struggle to get to sleep in the first place. I try each day to then be up by 10am, in the hope I will not make the situation worse. It's like I'm not quite on UK time…..Read More